14. Winging it.

After another failed set up, I figured I was done.

I focused solely on work and nothing else.

So in everyday conversation with others, everything I talked about was always work related. I was scrutinizing and harping on the most minute of details and retelling interactions and making it all seem like one big comedic performance (since work sometimes ends up throwing you curveballs and you can’t do anything except get hit in the face and then talk about it candidly after).

I guess you could say I was trying to alleviate the ‘pain’ or perhaps fill a ‘void’. Whatever that pain or void was.

One evening in May when the Lucas family all convened together for a meal, I spoke with an older cousin, due to be married at the end of the year (more on this here, here, here and here.). I was sharing one of my comedic experiences at work and in trying to fight the chuckles, he suggested:

‘My dear Charlotte, this is pretty funny stuff. You should totally consider bringing this material up on stage during an open-mic session of some sort. It’d be a hit.’

“Stand-up?? Oh dear cousin I don’t think I would be any good. With the cousins it is easier and less nerve-wracking, I don’t think I’d be able to do it properly either, what with not having any practice.. And what if I’m terrible and people jeer?!”

‘Then maybe it is a confidence issue. And roll with the punches! They heckle you, bite them back! Hmm, perhaps you may need to hone the skill of spontaneity then. I have just the suggestion, here’s the contact, I think you should email them.’

“Improvisation?”

‘Yes, trust me. You won’t regret it. I know you didn’t mention it but I think it may help you feel better too.’ He handed me the email address, along with heartfelt concern and support.

‘Just send the email okay?’

“Okay.”

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